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My Parents Are Weird.
Legit weirdest, batshit crazy, and possibly the most mentally scarring conversation between my parents that I've ever witnessed/taken part of:
*Earlier today, when they deciding what plot of land to buy. AT. THE. FREAKIN'. CEMETERY.
Dad: I think we should be buried near my brother and parents....
Scarily enthusiastic cemetery worker: The closet garden available is the Garden of Serenity.
Dad: [to mom] Should we chose the Garden of Serenity or the Garden of Psalms?
Mom: *mumbles that she just wants to go home*
Scarily enthusiastic cemetery salesman: How about I show you the spots available at the Garden of Serenity?
*We go to the Garden of Serenity*
Scarily enthusiastic cemetery salesman: Now, there's a spot right here, right next to the road.
Dad: *mumbles that he doesn't want to be buried right next to the road* Is there another spot?
Scarily enthusiastic cemetery salesman: Well, there's two spots next to it, there's a nice spot right here next to this tree, in the shade.
Dad: *mutters his approval and turns to my mom* What do you think, honey?
Mom: *grumbles in Korean* Does it really matter? You'll be dead by then.
Dad: *turns to me* What do you think? You like the spot near the tree?
Me: UHH--- *secretly thinking WTF DAD? I DON'T WANNA BE THINKING ABOUT YOU OR MOM SIX FEET UNDER RIGHT NOW,,,*
*It is eventually decided my dad likes the plot of land next to the tree and we go back to the scarily enthusiastic cemetery salesman's office*
Scarily enthusiastic cemetery salesman: You can place a hold on that plot of land, so that it's yours. We'll send you a packet in the mail, and you'll have 30 days to decide if you'd like to buy it. All you need to do is hand in a $10 deposit today.
Mom: How much is the land again?
Scarily enthusiastic cemetery salesman: The total cost will be $7,420.
Me: THE HELL? O_o
Mom: *turns to me and mutters in Korean* Why is it so expensive? When we bought your grandparent's plot of land 20 years ago, it was only $1,000.
Scarily enthusiastic cemetery salesman: It also includes maintenance fees, and this can be divided up in a 12 year plan, with no interest. You won't find a deal as good as this anywhere else, most cemeteries only offer up to 6 year plans at the most.
Dad: Oh, can we have a map of the Garden of the Serenity?
Me: *thinking* CAN I GO HOME NOW?
*Parents agree and we leave. Along the way to the car*
Me: [to parents] WHY DID YOU TAKE ME HERE TODAY? And you realize how much of a mentally scarring experience this was?
Dad: Oh relax, kiddo. Your mom and I aren't going anywhere anytime soon.
Mom: *dryly* I still have too much shit to take care of before I die.
Dad: Besides, I doubt YOU want to take care of these funeral/burial/cemetery costs in the future....
Me: Meh. You have a point.
P.S. While we were there visiting my grandparents and uncle's graves today, we realized someone stole my uncle's stone vase. Like what the actual fuck? Who the fuck goes around stealing things in a cemetery? The vases also weigh like a ton of bricks mind you O_O
P.P.S I am now seriously debating whether or not to do my senior thesis on graveyard/cemetery culture in the future...
Recently, there’s been an influx of old white men writing for old white...– A piece of wisdom from graduating senior Liz Watson on Bwog. (via brightthings)